Archive for the ‘Dust of Pearls’ Category
Posted on August 10, 2013 - by Audrey
“He sent from above, He took me; He drew me out of many waters. He delivered me from my strong enemy, from those who hated me, for they were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my calamity, but the Lord was my support. He also brought me out into a broad place; He delivered me because He delighted in me (Psalm 18:16-19).”
In my earliest memories I can recall feeling God’s presence. He was always swirling about me with a tantalizing glory that created a longing deep inside of me to be chosen. When I was young my parents would often talk about revivalists and prophets who had been swept up into the heavens to see God’s glory. Those stories carved out a place in my heart of deep hope and longing for a walk with God that would be full of adventure. Just the thought of walking through the paths of life in the predictable rhythm of religiosity made me squirm with boredom. I wanted to see God and experience the intricacies of His nature, and deep within, I always felt He created me just for that purpose.
When I was a young girl I often wondered if God would choose to reveal Himself to me. Sometimes I would sit quietly in my room and pray, “Jesus, please let me see You.” I would squeeze my eyes shut as tight as possible and then I would suddenly open them, hoping to see Him standing right in front of me. I wanted to know Him. I wanted to look at Him. I wanted to be able to describe Him to others. I suppose these desires lived in me for selfish reasons as I always loved to tell a good story, and knew if Jesus showed up in my room I would have a story to tell that would blow the socks off of everyone. Time after time I would squeeze my eyes shut with all of the faith I could sum up and open them only to find that He was still choosing to be quiet and invisible.
These longings to know God remained steadfast in my heart throughout my youth, but somehow in my young adult years they were dimmed as curiosity led me into compromise. My life took turn after turn, from one poor decision to the next, and before I knew it I found myself deep in a ditch of darkness and death. I remember waking one day with an acute awareness that I had thrown everything away. I felt the weight of my sin hanging on my frame like a sopping wet rag and I understood that I had traded my godly inheritance for what now felt like unbearable shame and guilt. For a long season I walked around in this depressive state. The crazy thing was that I continued to feel God’s presence in the same way I felt it as a child. He still hovered around me and watched my every move. The sad difference in our relationship was that I no longer hoped to see Him there when I opened my eyes because, now, all I had were ashes and stains to give to Him. I kept my eyes low and sometimes I would cry, quietly, for what I had thrown away.
My darkest hour was truly the beginning of my Christian experience because it was in that hour that I looked to the heavens for a God of mercy who would take me just as I was. It was in that hour that He finally answered the prayers of my childhood and revealed Himself to me. I went to church after a long season of wandering and I sat in the back row. I wanted nothing more than for the soothing music to begin. The old familiar longing in my heart had become an incessant ache and somehow the worship would bring a soothing relief. My older sister sat at the piano and she began to worship God with true love and sensitivity,“Father, your love, like a torch in the night will guide my way. Father, your love gives me power to carry on. Father, your love like an eagle in flight above the storm. Father, your love takes away my fear.” The words began to stir deep within my heart and I became overwhelmed with emotion as memories of pain flooded my mind. Rather than fight the emotion, I leaned into the experience of God and I closed my eyes. The tears streamed down my face as the longing to be one of His children ached so deeply that I could almost hear it crying out. I sat quietly with God and I let the emotions of pain and longing be exposed before His eyes, and slowly a strange vision began to emerge in my mind’s eye. With clarity, I could see an enormous eagle soaring into view. It looked as if He was ripping through a sheet that divided the physical realm from the heavenly realm as He came bursting through the heavens to take hold of me. I was terrified as I saw gleaming sharp talons ready to pluck me up as if I were His hunted prey. His eyes were fierce and sharp as they narrowed in on me. I squeezed my eyes shut as tight as I possibly could and I prayed for God to save me.
Within seconds the eagle crashed into me and grabbed my heart, piercing it with love and ownership. He lifted me up and I sensed weightless freedom as I gazed at His beauty in utter fear and awe. As the vision continued I sensed a miraculous ability to forgive those who had harmed me because I knew that facing God’s love would be far more terrible than facing my own bitter heart. Slowly the vision began to fade and I felt the Eagle releasing me from His grip. I found myself to be in an open field of fresh green grass and I could see Jesus holding me, cleaning my wounds and praying for me to be revived. I was able to see Him. The childhood longing of my heart was answered as God came crashing into my dysfunctional world to repair me. He gave me eyes to see Him so that I could understand how to relate to Him and interact with Him.
For months, and years, following this experience Jesus regularly visited me with His presence and led me through stages of healing and love. He placed me in a season of deep rest, and He kept me in that place, until I understood that His purpose for creating me was so that He could delight in me. He showed me how to remove the old garments of shame and replace them with His robes of righteousness. Jesus redeemed every portion of my life that had been drenched in sin and He traded my ashes for beauty. When spending time in His presence I would often pick up the pen and meet Jesus through journaling and writing. I believe a key to my calling in His kingdom will be found through writing as I study His nature and write about what I find in Scripture and through prayer. The desire of my heart continues to be that I would see and experience God so that I can tell people the magnificent stories of His beauty and love. I believe that Christianity is not to be a religious routine, but rather an experiential journey of blood, sweat, tears and laughter as we find the heart of God hidden within the trials of life.
In 2008 I surrendered my life, fully, to serve God in ministry through prayer, counseling, teaching and writing. I believe the Lord has called me to study His Word, to teach it, and to write.
Posted on February 12, 2011 - by Audrey
THE MIDNIGHT HOUR
From My Journal on January 26, 2011
The Midnight Hour is a breakthrough form of prayer and worship that is happening at Sanctuary Ministries. After our monthly night of worship, The River, we remain until 12AM to pray and worship. It has been phenomenal. Last month God healed a young girl who had an injured knee! There are many other sweet benefits as we sit with the Lord to soak in His Spirit. This writing is out of my journal as I sought the Lord about whether we should continue to do this after each River for 2011.
Jesus answered very clearly.
The Midnight Hour was such a blessing on New Year’s Eve, but I get such a sense that the Lord is longing for this form of worship to continue throughout the year. There are so many things that oppose the nighttime worship, but somehow I feel a strength and release to open this door for God in the Sanctuary.
God, do we pursue the night?
I knelt in prayer, and very quickly, I received a vision from the Lord. In this vision Jesus stood before me and placed a new key in my hand. This key is clear like crystal. Jesus told me that it will unlock the TWILIGHT. He explained that there is a form of intercession in the Twilight Hours that will pull back heavenly veils that we have not yet walked through. This key opens a gate to revelation.
I prayed– God, let us have day and night prayer! Can we do it? Will you provide the passion and the grace?
From there I felt His words forming in my heart as He brought to mind the Garden of Gethsemene…
Don’t let the Night steal your song!
My kingdom is not of this world
For this I have been born
My kingdom is not of this realm
My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death.
For the darkness of the Night has taken my breath.
Remain in Me. Stand watch.
Pray that temptation will not steal your heart from Me!
You are living in The Midnight Hour-
A deep darkness covers the earth.
Keep watching and praying
The flesh is weak, but the Spirit is willing.
Are you still sleeping?
Behold, the Hour is urgent!
In this very moment I am being betrayed!
Reach in and repair with a KISS
this heart that knows so well the taste of betrayal
It’s not long, the angels will strengthen.
Keep watching, keep praying
Enter the TREASURE OF THE TWILIGHT!
Are you still sleeping?
Stand with Me
The Darkest Hour is upon us and it reaches for your children
Is it now that you will take your rest?
Use your hand of faith and push back the veil
Enter the Twilight Wars with tears, not swords
Lay your sword aside and watch with open eyes!
Do you think I cannot appeal to My Father and receive 12 legions of angels?
Stop fighting and struggling
Let me find you watching
With eyes opened behind the veil of the Twilight Hour, watch as I release all you need.
My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death.
The thick darkness steals my breath.
The heaviness of sorrow presses My Bride to the floor–
if only she would rise and bang on My door!
12 legions I would send her, along with strength to make Temptation dust under her feet
This is My blood, poured out for the forgiveness of sins
Truly, I say that this very night, you will taste My body
with victory you will shout!
Sit here and I will be where I am (in heaven) praying…
Stay awake, keep watch with Me.
The Night is dark and My Bride is fading.
Open your mouth and whisper what you know of Me…
Do you not know, I will answer all that you are saying?
I beg you, do not leave Me in this hour
Watch with Me…
The atmosphere gets thin and the things of this world grow strangely dim.
Watch with Me
Angels are there to strengthen, demons will flee with the breath of your lips.
Your eyes will be given things to see!
The Night calls.
My flesh is weak, but the Spirit is willing
I hear Jesus speaking, “So you mean, you could not keep watch with Me for one hour? Keep watching and praying, that you may not enter temptation; the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak (Matthew 26:40-41).”
Are you still sleeping?
I do not ask that they be taken out of the world, but to keep them from the evil on. They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world… sanctify them in truth.
I am KING. For this I have been born and for this I have come into the world… John 18:37
Posted on February 7, 2011 - by Audrey
Being in agony, He prayed more earnestly. And His sweat became like great droplets of blood falling down to the ground… Luke 23:44
From the perspective of John the apostle, as he watched Jesus die on the cross.
Like droplets of blood from Your face are the drops of wine I drink as I rest under the shade of Your Tree.
Streams of blood trickled from Your feet as You hung for me. Puddles of wine soaked into the dirt and dark clouds covered the earth.
Water gushed from Your heart– all of your intercession and tears, pouring over me.
When You gave me that last glimpse, I know I saw flames in Your eyes. You poured Your heart out like water for me. I know Your eyes are flames because I saw them burning as You looked at me. I am Your obsession.
Unless I drink Your blood and eat Your flesh, I can have no part with You (John 6).
When you hung on that cross, with streams of blood flowing from Your broken skin, all I could think of was the day You made wine out of water. Those pots, once used for cleaning priests, were transformed into jugs of rejoicing.
When You hung from that cross, and droplets of blood fell like rain to splatter me, I couldn’t help but remember the way you said, “My blood is drink indeed.”
Like a wine skin, you hung above me, and the breaking of Your flesh caused the best wine to splatter the earth.
I couldn’t recognize Your face because they had mangled You so badly. I couldn’t see the purpose behind such violence, but still Your eyes were flames of love.
Open doors, open eyes– I saw the LIGHT, and that’s when I knew that Darkness could never overcome. I saw GOD oozing out of Your broken skin and I watched closely to SEE Him. How would He overcome and win?
The nature of God manifested before my eyes, just as You promised, and anguish twisted my heart when I heard Him slay the enemy with the breath of His lips, “Father, forgive them. They don’t know what they’re doing.”
Like fresh wine into my soul, I drank You in. Your words were sweet as they slowly filled the vacant spaces within me.
My flesh sunk under the sorrow of Your death, but my spirit was strengthened as it intertwined with a terrifying truth, “What better love is there than for one to lay down his life for his friends?”
And I remembered when You said, “The bread of God is He who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world… I am the bread of life, he who comes to Me shall never hunger and he who believes in Me shall never thirst (John 6:33-35).”
You manifested God before me as the streams of wine and water flowed endlessly from Your skin. Such beauty was hiding behind those eyes as You hung there, praying for me.
I know that Your eyes are flames and I know that Your skin is bread. In Your life I witnessed God. Unless I devour every action, glance and Word with my mind I will be in utter darkness and hunger.
I remembered how You said, “Before Abraham, I Am.” And all I could do was let the dirt and blood sink beneath my nails as I gripped the earth in agony and yelled, “YOU ARE!”
The earth shook and the sky darkened. Glory, hidden in broken skin, poured out like everlasting streams. I saw, before my eyes, the food and drink for my soul.
The Spirit is life and the flesh profits nothing!
I feasted my eyes on my eternal portion. I let the blood run past my hands and I remembered how You tore the bread into pieces before us while saying, “This is My body broken for you. Eat in remembrance of Me.”
ANGUISH! This was always Your purpose!
Tears spilled endlessly from my eyes as I remembered the prophecies, and how they said we would hide our faces from You– so I lifted my head, once more, to stare at the FEAST for my hungry soul.
I drank the cup of wrath with You and I thought of how even a lamb, we would have slaughtered with more dignity. And You were silent, other than those sweet words you prayed when You asked the Father to forgive us.
It was just as You said. It was exactly what You told us You would do, but somehow I thought it would be so different.
Staring into Your face, I understood that as long as I joined You in this death, I would be eating the bread and drinking the wine– You are my friend, my eternal portion.
Droplets of blood sprinkled the ground and I remembered the promise that it would go far beyond this place– Your blood would sprinkle many nations.
I saw You in agony the night before. I secretly watched as great droplets of blood fell from Your mind. I saw You turn water to wine in Your very own body– Sweat became blood as You prayed for the strength to manifest the fullness of God. This was the wine You chose to pour out for cleansing and rejoicing. You are God and You always let known the end in the beginning–
I knelt before the cross and let Your blood pool around me. A New Covenant entered my soul as Love ruined my mind and devastated my heart. Wine, water and bread sprinkled the earth. My work is to fulfill Your desire– to love them as You loved me.
Posted on January 28, 2011 - by Audrey
God is opening a way through the obstacles that once kept us from experiencing the promises He has for our lives. Breakthrough comes with FIRE and WATER. This is the cleansing of God and it will breakthrough the enemies of our lives that once kept us in familiar chains of slavery.
WATER washes the old life from us and creates an entry into the life of the Spirit. To walk in the Spirit of God is to walk as a child of God. The water washes the mud and spit from our eyes so that we can see more clearly that our suffering was always for His glory. The WATER gives revelation that our life is not our own, but it belongs to the One who splits the seas so that we will tell the story of His salvation.
The FIRE of God burns impurities from our hearts with violence and fury. The FIRE of God is the Jealous love that causes Him to pursue us at any cost. It is the JEALOUSY of God that gave Jesus the ability to give His life on the cross. His furious love made Him endure torture so that He could have access to the deepest portions of our hearts. Jesus displays relentless love in His pursuit of His beloved. He did not kill to take back His bride from the affections that had stolen her heart, rather He laid down His life and allowed the pain to consume Him. Even in this, He said that He endured the cross for the JOY that was set before Him. He kept His eye on the prize… you and me.
Jealousy consumes Him and He pursues, relentlessly, the one He has chosen to marry for eternity. He loves His bride (the Church). He will not relent until His eyes of fire have burned all that separates Him from knowing every chamber of our hearts. He wants to walk in the corridors of our pain and deliver flames to the memories that have deformed our hearts– His creation.
For these things never say, “enough”: The grave, the barren womb, the earth that is not satisfied with water, and the fire that never says, “It is enough”. Proverbs 30:16
We are a barren land that is dying of thirst and our God is an All Consuming Fire. The desire of the thirsty land cries, “Come Lord Jesus!” and the Jealous Fire in God cries, “Come!”
And the Spirit and the bride say, “Come.” And let the one who hears say, “Come.” And let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who desires take the water of life without cost. Revelation 22:17
The forces of love pull heaven to earth and cause breakthrough between the realms of spirituality and physicality.
I see the forces of earth and heaven colliding to launch His bride into the Land of Promise– into the purpose and design for His creation. I see this happening as God’s jealous love seals the heart of His beloved. I see Him making a path through the waters as His fire consumes the enemies of our lives.
Drip down, O Heavens, let the purity of our love spring up. Drip down, O Cloud of God, and water the desert lands of Your people! Drip down, O Heavens, and sprinkle us with the tears of God. Drip down with the embers of His burning heart. Drip down, sprinkle us, drench us with His love!
EXODUS 14 & 15– THE SEA IS DIVIDED & THE SONG OF MOSES
AND AS PHARAOH DREW NEAR, THE SONS OF ISRAEL LOOKED, AND BEHOLD, THE EGYPTIANS WERE MARCHING AFTER THEM, AND THEY BECAME VERY FRIGHTENED; SO THE SONS OF ISRAEL CRIED OUT TO THE LORD. THEN THEY SAID TO MOSES, “IS IT BECAUSE THERE WERE NO GRAVES IN EGYPT THAT YOU HAVE TAKEN US AWAY TO DIE IN THE WILDERNESS? (V.12) FOR IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER FOR US TO SERVE THE EGYPTIANS THAN TO DIE IN THE WILDERNESS.”
BUT MOSES SAID TO THE PEOPLE, “DO NOT FEAR! STAND BY AND SEE THE SALVATION OF THE LORD WHICH HE WILL ACCOMPLISH FOR YOU TODAY; FOR THE EGYPTIANS WHOM YOU HAVE SEEN TODAY, YOU WILL NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN FOREVER. THE LORD WILL FIGHT FOR YOU WHILE YOU KEEP SILENT.”
AND THE ANGEL OF GOD, WHO HAD BEEN GOING BEFORE THE CAMP OF ISRAEL, MOVED AND WENT BEHIND THEM; AND THE PILLAR OF CLOUD MOVED FROM BEFORE THEM AND STOOD BEHIND THEM. SO IT CAME BETWEEN THE CAMP OF EGYPT AND THE CAMP OF ISRAEL; AND THERE WAS THE CLOUD ALONG WITH THE DARKNESS, YET IT GAVE LIGHT AT NIGHT. THUS THE ONE DID NOT COME NEAR THE OTHER ALL NIGHT.
THEN MOSES STRETCHED OUT HIS HAND OVER THE SEA; AND THE LORD SWEPT THE SEA BACK BY A STRONG EAST WIND ALL NIGHT, AND TURNED THE SEA INTO DRY LAND, SO THE WATERS WERE DIVIDED. AND THE SONS OF ISRAEL WENT THROUGH THE MIDST OF THE SEA ON THE DRY LAND, AND THE WATERS WERE LIKE A WALL TO THEM ON THEIR RIGHT HAND AND ON THEIR LEFT.
And at the blast of Your nostrils the waters were piled up, the flowing waters stood up like a heap; the deeps were congealed in the heart of the sea (Exodus 15:8). Your right hand, O Lord, is majestic in power, Your right hand, O Lord, shatters the enemy. The Lord is a man of war (Ex. 15:6 & 3)!
THEN THE EGYPTIANS TOOK UP THE PURSUIT, AND ALL PHARAOH’S HORSES, HIS CHARIOTS AND HIS HORSEMEN WENT IN AFTER THEM INTO THE MIDST OF THE SEA. AND IT CAME ABOUT IN THE MORNING WATCH, THAT THE LORD LOOKED DOWN ON THE ARMY OF THE EGYPTIANS THROUGH THE PILLAR OF FIRE AND CLOUD AND BROUGHT THE ARMY OF THE EGYPTIANS INTO CONFUSION.
The enemy said, “I will pursue, I will overtake, I will divide the spoil; my desire will be satisfied on them. I will draw my sword, my hand will destroy them (Ex. 15:9).”
(26) THEN THE LORD SAID TO MOSES, “STRETCH OUT YOUR HAND OVER THE SEA SO THAT THE WATERS MAY COME BACK OVER THE EGYPTIANS… SO MOSES STRETCHED OUT HIS HAND OVER THE SEA, AND THE SEA RETURNED TO ITS NORMAL STATE AT DAYBREAK… THE LORD OVERTHREW THE EGYPTIANS IN THE MIDST OF THE SEA. (29) BUT THE SONS OF ISRAEL WALKED ON DRY LAND THROUGH THE MIDST OF THE SEA, AND THE WATERS WERE LIKE A WALL TO THEM, ON THE RIGHT AND THE LEFT.
You blew Your wind, the sea covered them; they sank like lead in the mighty waters.
Who is like You, O Lord, among the gods? Who is like You, glorious in holiness, fearful in praise, doing wonders? You stretched out Your right hand; the earth swallowed them. You in your mercy have led forth the people whom You have redeemed; You have guided them in Your strength to Your Holy Habitation (Ex. 15:10-13).
You will bring them in and plant them in the mountain of Your inheritance, in the place, O Lord, which You have made for Your own dwelling, the Sanctuary, O Lord, which Your hands have established (Ex. 15:17).
Posted on November 9, 2010 - by Audrey
Anticipating… The moment for which I have been waiting
I hear Him breathing, He feels me kicking, together we live…
Creating… He’s always CREATING…
Inside His heart I am waiting
DRINKING TEARS, SLAYING FEARS, COUNTING YEARS…
Holy power grows inside, FIRE licks away my pride
Becoming ONE we are undone…
No more waiting! His LOVE… It’s so EXHILARATING!!!
Hearts split open! Glory UNSPOKEN! Shame must flee! Naked I will be!
Anticipating… I am waiting… He’s CREATING…
In His heart I rest, deep inside His chest
Thoughts slow growing, ideas emerging, GLORIES UNSPOKEN…
Words like vessels waiting to be broken
Posted on October 18, 2010 - by Audrey
In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word became flesh… John 1
Oh! The Word became FLESH.
My eyes devour the Scripture and my soul stirs within me. It burns, it moves and it breathes as it delights in the fragrance of TRUTH. With my owns eyes I look and I see, but in my soul I feel Him stirring and inhaling. He is ingesting the TREASURE, the GIFT that He gave to us so that we could survive in this dying earth. He breathed into our atmosphere and He loves the TRUTH that was released from the center of His own heart.
I think about Jesus. He is the Word in the flesh. In the fibers of His skin the Scripture was woven. It held Him together and it led Him in perfect TRUTH. I can see the Spirit of God hovering over Jesus with adoration and fascination as He watches the WORD manifest and breathe and move with authority to exact justice on the earth. No longer was the Word bound within a scroll, or gripped in the hand of a priest, but it was walking and breathing. It was healing and moving. It was looking and smelling. The WORD was… ALIVE. Skin contained the fullness of God and the fullness of His message. It walked among people and looked them in the eyes. It explored the death and the limitations that were binding His creation. It understood pain and defied the lusts that opened the doors to destruction. Jesus, the LIVING WORD, what majestic power and grace.
Obsession for the Son lived in the heart of God because He contained the fullness of God’s message, and He lived it. HE walked it out. Justice flowed from His heart and left His mouth causing demons to flee and death to lose its grip. The Law arrived and destroyed religion. A plumb line fell into the earth. He was a light in the darkness and the darkness could not comprehend Him (John 1:5). Opening blind eyes, He shut the ones that said that could SEE. He flipped our expectations for punishment and gave us grace… God walked around the earth, hiding inside of skin and He touched His children. He cried out from His hiding place and exposed the intentions of His heart… “How often I have longed to gather you together as a hen protects her chicks but you wouldn’t let me!” Matt. 23:37. The TRUTH, the WORD, the MESSAGE, the full character of the Living God was imbedded in the skin of a man and it LIVED. It spoke, it cried and it reached out to grab the lost and forgotten. The One who uses the earth as a footstool entered into a cloak of skin and looked through eyes like windows. He listened and answered questions. He hid in the crowds and cried out, “All who have ears let him hear!!”
If we would just look at this sweet Jesus, we would see who it is that longs to hold us. We would see the answer to our faults as we realize that He was killed for defending prostitutes– He was killed because He admitted He was God and then He forgave sins. We would see that His anger was spilled from His heart in the TEMPLE as He rebuked the chains of religion. We would see that He didn’t own anything because He was so obsessed with collecting the lost, the ugliest, the dirtiest… His inheritance.
Jesus, is the WORD. God hovered over Him in fascination as He watched His own heart and mind expressed with absolute purity. Not a single fault polluted this Man as His OBEDIENCE opened a door to funnel all of what God wanted to say. Finally The Word of God walked the earth and corrected every misunderstanding. Jesus… a remarkable manifestation of our GOD.
Now as I sit in my living room I feel obsession groaning in my soul as it craves this WORD. It is the fullness of Jesus that speaks to me as I read. I see the face of My God and I love His language. I feel Him breathing inside of me as I hold my breath in fascination. Let these WORDS decorate my life like diamonds and gold. Only He can satisfy! I will eat these Words. Let me disappear as they overlay me with TRUTH.
I will be plowed under by His Glory as the simplicity of His love shatters my mind. Hold me God… Enter my Mind and think on my behalf. Jesus… look through my eyes. See through me and speak to the ones that You are reaching for. I will hide under Your wing and testify of the Living God.
Now, we have the SPIRIT OF GOD living in all who would BELIEVE. Jesus, thank you for leaving this earth to sit in authority next to the FATHER. Thank you for sending YOUR endless SPIRIT!!! Let it take up residence in my SKIN! Let it have full reign and absolute ACCESS! Let OBEDIENCE enter my life and open a DOOR for You to be RELEASED. RETRIEVE YOUR BELOVED through my broken heart. Speak! SPEAK through ME!!! Let these WORDS fill my mind and repeat like an old song!! ARISE O GOD and SHINE!!! ARISE and SO WILL I!!! Let us obsess over JESUS, for He is truly beautiful as He is the expression of Your Heart!
Posted on September 30, 2010 - by Audrey
From My Journal- September 25, 2010- As I celebrate the ONE YEAR anniversary of the day I made the NAZIRITE VOW.
A marvelous obsession surrounds me and pulls pieces of love from the center of my heart. I belong to HIM.
I am chained to His heart with cords of REDEMPTION– platinum chains.
Raging love explodes from the deepest portions of His STORM and somehow I have become the object of His affection; the apple of His eye; the DESIRE of His heart.
I remain still and I feel a magnetic force pulling LIFE from places that didn’t exist before this moment.
With hands lifted I see that my wrists are chained. I am a slave to this Storm of Love. Jealousy pulls me and obsession holds me. I can’t escape His plan for my life…
How can I be so DESIRED by the One who created this world? Reverent affection pours from my soul and Jesus sits nearby laughing out loud! He sees that I am encountering the ZEAL of the Lord– the same zeal that covered Him while He carried His own cross. Is this what REAL LOVE feels like?
His eyes look right at me– they stare right through me. They are fire, and now so are mine.
I feel flames burning through lies as He stares at me. I sense the fire leaving Him and filling my life.
Blood is dripping… My heart is exposed! Blood is DRIPPING; I am bleeding and so is HE! Love is washing me and the earth that holds me is drenched with the overflow!
What a gorgeous mess. Jealous Love has ripped through the dividing wall of my flesh to consume the real me!
I have found REAL LOVE.
I can’t contain Him as He envelops all of my soul. This Ferocious Love has no limit!
What a marvelous obsession– THIS is my inheritance and my portion.
The Nazirite is one who lives a consecrated life for God. In Numbers 6 a vow of separation is described where any person that had a desire to enter into the HOLY OF HOLIES could walk through the process of purification in order to be granted the access that was only given to Jewish priests. Through this vow, ANYONE could enter behind the veil to encounter the Holy Presence of God.
Today, God is calling ones who would set themselves apart in an extreme measure in order to enter depths of intimacy with God that, I believe, have not yet been seen. DEVOTION courses through the veins of the Nazirite and they are willing to destroy anything that keeps them from tasting a deeper portion of God’s love.
I will share more about my NAZIRITE journey in writings to come! I am glad to be celebrating the one year anniversary of the day that I allowed Him to mark me with the ZEAL of His jealous LOVE!
Posted on September 15, 2010 - by Audrey
Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder–
Let me see Your eyes so that I may know the beauty YOU see when you look at me.
Set Your eyes on me and I will set mine on You.
I will look deep into the ONE and find the true reflection of who I am…
When Your eyes are hidden all beauty melts away and the works of my hands are vain, but in Your eyes I see eternal threads of glory that never fade.
Do you hold me in Your gaze? Do you surround me with Your jealous flames? Lock your eyes on me. Encapsulate my beauty in the midst of Your vision.
Let me align myself with where You are looking. I will stand in the center of Your gaze as one stands before a mirror to see the TRUE REFLECTION.
In the eye of my Beholder beauty reigns and in this place I am changed. His gaze holds me and when I look into His eyes I see beauty shining from my face– It’s the beauty that never fades.
Eternity holds reality and this is where I find true beauty.
Posted on September 13, 2010 - by Audrey
September 3, 2010
God has such a longing and a desire to include us in the plans of His heart so that we may walk in complete unity- as His body. At this last River we tasted a huge dose of this divine unity.
A DREAM (Thursday, August 27, 2010)
On Thursday night (before the River) I had a dream. In the dream I was with the Sanctuary community. I was secluded in a small room far from the typical movement and action of the body. The room was dark and it was filled with supplies (food, paper, pens). I felt like I was a doll that had been put away for a time. I wanted to be used, but I had been placed in a small room and I was to stay there until someone came to get me. A longing was in my heart, and though I was happy and satisfied, I had a desire to be used again. I was watching as the community hustled around. They were cleaning the house and many things were being thrown out. They were going to have a garage sale and I was watching as groups of people carried loads of stuff past my room toward the outer rim of the community. Sometimes people would stop to say hello but none of them expected me to come out of the room.
A few people walked by with large loads and one girl had an old overhead projector. She was carrying it with other things that would be thrown away and I yelled out, “Hey! Stop! I need that!” She looked with surprise and said, “This old thing!? What do you want this for?” I said, “Please don’t throw that away, it’s mine! It’s my GIFT! Please, keep it. It’s for my GIFT!” I couldn’t come out of the room. I had to wait for her to place it to the side for me. She smiled and said, “Ok, I will set it aside for you.”
The dream switched and someone came to get me out of the dark room. They said, “Come with me. We set the projector up for you… we need you to come and use it.” No one really knew what I wanted it for, but they were gracious to set it up for me.
I was led out to a large grassy field and I understood that the River was about to start. The overhead projector had been set-up off to the side and I sat down to write. The words were projected onto the side of a large building. At first they were crooked, but with some adjustment we were able get it straight. I was feeling exposed and vulnerable. I hadn’t prepared and I didn’t expect the beginning of the “Writing On The Wall” to be in such an open arena.
The music started and I began to worship. As Jesus spoke to me, I wrote the words of His heart on the wall for all to see. I felt vulnerable. Some people understood and others would stare and make faces that revealed ridicule. I was small, humble and so overjoyed to be out of that small, secluded room. If I had been able to move around freely I may not have valued this task as much as I did after having been secluded for so long. I felt like I was flying and like I was worshiping the Lord with open arms and an exposed heart. I was not interested in being seen because I had gotten used to being hidden. I was just so happy that His words were being released. This is where the dream ended.
The Friday of the River
On Friday morning Joseph and I went out to Lake Merritt in Oakland for a walk. I was emotional from the turmoil of the week. We walked the whole lake and then went to lunch. It was about 2PM when we sat down to relax and suddenly the dream from the night before popped into my head. I remembered the projector and felt a sudden urgency in my heart. I felt like the dream had been given to me from God and that He was asking for me to write at the River.
Earlier in the month the idea for this ministry to start SOON had surfaced in my mind. I wasn’t certain about the timing (if it was to be this River) so I kept waiting on God. It was Friday afternoon, the day of the River and I felt almost certain that I was supposed to write for God that evening. I felt like I may have missed the cue and that I might be out of alignment.
I told Joseph about the dream and we discussed it for awhile. We decided to pray about it and put a fleece out for God since we were unsure about how to proceed. I told Joseph to decide what the fleece would be—I felt a lack of faith. Joseph prayed that God would orchestrate the resources (projector) if it was His desire for me to write at this River– just like in the dream.
After praying I continued to feel the conviction of God and I asked Joseph if I should call Jim to tell him about the dream. Joseph told me to wait and to let God bring it all together. He said, “Just like in the dream, I believe that you will see it and you will know it is for you.”
We went home and at about 3PM I began to feel the urgency in my heart again. I kept talking to Joseph about it and asking him if he thought I should call Jim. Once again Joseph said, “No, don’t call Jim. God will set it up.”
I said, “Ok God, I’m coming under the covering of my husband so please forgive me if I was supposed to call Jim. I believe that you will hold my husband accountable from this point forward and I will trust that I don’t need to make a phone call.”
We got to the River early to pray with some friends. After the prayer time was finished Joseph and I stayed in the prayer room alone. We both felt like we needed to read the Word and pray since we hadn’t taken the time to do it earlier in the day. We read Galatians 5 – God had asked me to read it earlier in the day. It spoke directly to the struggles I had been facing in the week and reminded us to walk in the Spirit so that we would be free from any Law.
We walked into the River around 7PM and right away I noticed that a large screen was set up on one of the side walls. A computer was below it and random words had been typed on the screen. I stared in amazement and tapped Joseph’s arm. I pointed toward the set-up. He looked and began to crack up with joy and delight as he shouted, “Praise God!” I knew it was for me.
None of us had talked or coordinated but the projector had been set up. God set it up!
Right before 7:30 Jim (our pastor) came over and told me that the computer was for me to use throughout the River to type words from the Lord. I shared the dream with him and we stared in amazement as we realized that God had moved so beautifully to orchestrate His own plan. Jim said that it wasn’t until about 3PM that they knew for sure that it would be possible to set it up. He said that it almost didn’t happen. What an amazing work of His Spirit.
The River felt so much like the dream. I’ve been removed from normal movement within the body for such a long time, and it was the first time in awhile that I was able to use my gift of writing/prayer. I hadn’t prepared at all, but God had been preparing me all week. He was purging so many forms of pride. When I went to write I had such freedom because I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God had orchestrated everything for the task. He set it up in His own timing. I was able to write without the feelings of confusion, pride, hesitancy or insecurity. I just understood that obedience was all He desired from me. “If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit (Galatians 5:25).”
The week prior to this God spent time discussing with me His desire to bring the Scribes forward. He gave me outlines of what a scribe will look like (traits, desires, gifts), and He also revealed ways to bless them and nourish them. He desires to create a team of scribes much like a worship team. They will work together to sharpen this gift of the Spirit and they will be used to worship Him with words.
A Prophetic Scribe is one who is lifted by the winds of the Spirit to rest near to God’s heart in worship. From this place they are given eyes to see what He is doing over the earth and over His people, and they are asked to write words that describe His actions.
Intimacy with the Lord is rich in the life of the Scribe as they spend TIME in the hidden place of worship where they learn to move with the gusts of wind as He breathes and moves to communicate the intentions of His heart. Words spill from the heart of the Scribe as a form of ministry unto the Lord as they learn to document the emotions of His heart: His intentions, His thoughts, His concerns and His desires. The pen is an instrument of worship and the Spirit flows through the servant to offer more words as the ones for the MOMENT are being written.
I have heard that the Scribes are considered the Secretaries of God… I will document more about the Scribes at a later time. There are so many fascinating links in the role of the Scribe and the implementation of God’s Kingdom on earth!
God is calling His Scribes and He desires to train them in His Spirit with a sanctified atmosphere of worship.
Scribes are passionate about the Scripture as they recognize that it is the Living Word of God that never stops speaking. In worship, the Scripture dances around the Scribe and testifies of Jesus. As the Scribe studies, and the Scripture fills the flesh, transformation occurs and the writing intensifies in beauty.
The Prophetic Scribes are also dreamers. God often wakes them in the night to speak to them. It is beneficial for a Scribe to place a notepad and pen– or a recorder– near the bed in the night so that they may get up in the moment to document the words of God as He is speaking. I believe that it is easier to discern God in the night since the flesh is laid down to rest. Some of the most profound moments I have had with God are in the twilight hours and I feel eager to meet with Him every night as I fall asleep.
“Every Scribe who has become a disciple in the Kingdom of Heaven is like a head of a household who brings out of his treasure things new and old (NAS).”
Posted on September 5, 2010 - by Audrey
Be soothed, O God, with the incense of my heart. Be soothed as you breathe in the breath of my praise. I want to fellowship with You, God. Though the earth is Your footstool, and the waters are in Your hand, I believe that You will come to sit with me. I wait expectantly for Your company. Let my gratitude bring pleasure to Your heart. I long for Your words, come and speak with me.